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Nov 17, 2011 15:04:03 GMT -5
Post by Damon on Nov 17, 2011 15:04:03 GMT -5
One of the features that I liked most about this particular board host was it's ability to offer a chatroom function. I have set the chatroom up so that you do not necessarily have to be a member to use it. I would like to see this become more of a tool for live, real-time help than what the standard board can offer. Whenever I am on the board, I try to be available in the chatroom as well, so if you see me online, pop into the chatroom and say hello!
Damon
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Sue E
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Nov 18, 2011 3:59:33 GMT -5
Post by Sue E on Nov 18, 2011 3:59:33 GMT -5
Hi Damon I like the idea of being able to chat live. Although I am in England so I am a bit restricted by the time difference. It might be good if you posted the times that you are likely to be on line or to maybe arrange a time in advance so that everyone can meet to chat? Just some ideas. I wonder if anyone out there comes from further afield? Would be interesting to know where everyone is from. Sue E
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jonny
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Nov 18, 2011 4:10:17 GMT -5
Post by jonny on Nov 18, 2011 4:10:17 GMT -5
I'm in the UK too, Sue. I've had exactly the same issue
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Sue E
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Nov 18, 2011 16:09:27 GMT -5
Post by Sue E on Nov 18, 2011 16:09:27 GMT -5
Hi Johnny,
Nice to hear from you! It is not easy dealing with the gay thing. There doesn't seem to be a lot of support in the UK although I did join the British Wives support group which is good. There is another group for men and women that have a yahoo forum and meet every so often but from what I gather it is not very active with only the odd posting and a few people turning up for meetings. So I've been reading all the Straight Network postings on various sites. Are you still with your wife? I'm still with my husband, just, but it is difficult. It has been 5 years since he admitted same sex attraction. Although he stills says he is not gay! Confusing or what!
Where in the UK are you? I'm north of London near Watford.
Sue E
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jonny
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Nov 18, 2011 16:22:17 GMT -5
Post by jonny on Nov 18, 2011 16:22:17 GMT -5
Hi Sue Yeah, my wife and I are together. Basically, we've been going through a rough patch where the level of her SSA has been the issue, not the fact that she has those feelings - I've known of her orientation as long as I've known her! Things are far better now than they were when I first started looking for these support forums, but I find them helpful when I'm down - and even when I'm not it helps me to assess what I'm feeling and keep perspective on issues that arise, if you know what I mean? Wife is actually sitting in bed next to me right now, stealing my guitar and trying to learn a Lady Gaga song! I do sometimes feel a little inadequate knowing I can't COMPLETELY satisfy her due to lack of the right equipment to meet all desires, but I'm very lucky in that she is totally honest about these issues, has never gone outside the marriage, and most of all she really does love me (even when she thinks I'm the most frustrating man alive!) And I'm in the North East of the UK Jonny
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Sue E
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Nov 19, 2011 5:51:48 GMT -5
Post by Sue E on Nov 19, 2011 5:51:48 GMT -5
Hi Jonny
You are your wife sound very close. It is great that you can be so open and honest with each other although I can imagine difficult to hear some of the things she talks about. I suppose it helps that you have known about her SSA right from the start. The support boards are great for helping to work out feelings. What I like is the diversity with people at different points in their journey towards working through this, whatever they decide to do.
Sue E
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jonny
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Nov 19, 2011 10:39:56 GMT -5
Post by jonny on Nov 19, 2011 10:39:56 GMT -5
Hi Sue
I think we're lucky, yeah. We have ups and downs like every couple, but we work through them. I've never found knowing about her SSA difficult in the past, because it was simply a facet of who she was - we had quite a laugh when we first got together to realise that I'd kissed a woman she had slept with, and that I'd hit on one of her ex-girlfriends before Wife and I ever met. It's fair to say I rather liked the fact that we have similar taste in women! The only time it has been a problem was recently, when it became fairly all-consuming for her. And she told me. She didn't hide it from me. When I was pretty heartbroken about it, she did say that she wished she'd never told me, but her initial reaction had been to tell. Things either calmed down a bit or she 's hiding it much better. I don't know for sure which it is, but I think it's calmed down.
At the end of the day, she has never done what so many gay/bi spouses have done. She's been open about her orientation, and faithful, rather than bottling it all up and then throwing everything away by going outside the marriage to satisfy an urge that can't be admitted to. I think that her and I are both extremely lucky that she has behaved that way.
One of the reasons I'm still following these forums and posting at times is that there are so many people who feel like there's no possibility of happiness post-disclosure. I want it to be clear that there is a chance. It may not be a big chance, and most MOMs don't work, I guess, but there is at least a little hope, provided honesty, integrity and open discussion are made a priority.
And so long as love is returned, of course.
Jonny
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Sue E
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Nov 20, 2011 14:09:35 GMT -5
Post by Sue E on Nov 20, 2011 14:09:35 GMT -5
Hi Jonny It is not an easy thing that you have to live with. Of course you want to know the truth but the truth hurts you. I suspect that your wife may be reluctant to tell you about her feelings and may try to keep them to herself. Or it may be as you said they have died down. I commend you on not giving up straight away. I hope that it works out for you as you can stand as an example for those that would like to keep their marriage together. For me I know that is not possible, we have been married 18 years now and I have known about the same sex attraction for 5. The reason why I say that is that I live in a sexless marriage now. My husband was never that keen but over the years it dwindled to nothing. It is a horrible feeling to know that your husband has no desire for you as a women. I can't live with that for the rest of my life. I stay for my children who are 12 and 14 but it does get more difficult to live like this. We are good friends and I believe we could continue to be really good friends but it is not enough to stay married.
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Sue E
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Nov 20, 2011 14:10:15 GMT -5
Post by Sue E on Nov 20, 2011 14:10:15 GMT -5
error
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Sept 12, 2020 17:46:46 GMT -5
Post by WillieApelf on Sept 12, 2020 17:46:46 GMT -5
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Oct 23, 2022 3:33:57 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by Blonde40 on Oct 23, 2022 3:33:57 GMT -5
One of the features that I liked most about this particular board host was it's ability to offer a chatroom function. I have set the chatroom up so that you do not necessarily have to be a member to use it. I would like to see this become more of a tool for live, real-time help than what the standard board can offer. Whenever I am on the board, I try to be available in the chatroom as well, so if you see me online, pop into the chatroom and say hello! Damon I’m from England too
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