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Welcome
Nov 6, 2011 22:16:00 GMT -5
Post by Damon on Nov 6, 2011 22:16:00 GMT -5
I wanted to take this opportunity to welcome everyone to the board. May it be a light, however small, in the darkness so that you might find your way.
Damon
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Sue E
New Member
Posts: 17
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Post by Sue E on Nov 7, 2011 8:07:46 GMT -5
Hi Damon, I'm Sue. My husband disclosed feelings of attraction to men five years ago whilst he was going through a bad depression. He thought at that point he might be Bi but since realises he is gay. In fact he knew before he married me that he didn't have the right feelings for me and was attracted to men. He doesn't want to be gay and says he has no intention what so ever of being gay so he doesn't think he has done anything wrong.We are still together but I am finding it hard to stay married. We have two children age 12 and 14 and basically I am staying for them. No one knows about my husbands attraction to men except me which again I am finding really difficult. I am hoping to get some support and help from other people in the same situation as myself.
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Welcome
Nov 7, 2011 10:19:54 GMT -5
Post by brandon on Nov 7, 2011 10:19:54 GMT -5
Damon! What's up brother? This is Brandon. I'm so glad you took the time and energy to grab the bull by the horn and take the steps you did to create a safe place for me and other straight spouses. Thank you! It was getting pretty sad on SSN, no one deserves the attacks that happen over there. It is pretty bad when you refrain from posting what you really feel because you're hesitant to start a war. I hope more will follow.
Brandon
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Welcome
Nov 7, 2011 10:41:19 GMT -5
Post by Damon on Nov 7, 2011 10:41:19 GMT -5
Welcome Sue and Brandon! I am actually sorry that it has come to this because I like the SSN board very much, and it was a lifesaver for me when I needed it.
Sue, thank you for sharing your story. We have been there too and will offer the best support possible. Since you have children in their teens I assume that you have been married for quite a while. Aside from the disclosure that your husband has had attractions for men, how has your relationship and marriage been? Ultimately, what would you like to see happen for you and your family? Have things changed significantly between you and your husband since his disclosure? Finally, have you given any thought to seeing a therapist that can help you cope with this situation?
Always remember that you aren't alone and that you didn't cause this.
Damon
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Welcome
Nov 7, 2011 18:27:05 GMT -5
Post by vivian on Nov 7, 2011 18:27:05 GMT -5
You don't know me as Vivian - you know me as V. From SSN.
Thank you for having me here.
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Welcome
Nov 7, 2011 18:54:55 GMT -5
Post by Sam on Nov 7, 2011 18:54:55 GMT -5
Damon
God bless you for moderating a board. I hope you understand I have to maintain the guidelines I was given by the SSN board.
You are welcome to repost the link on the SSN Public Forum from time to time as it rolls off into archives (so long as you don't take shots an anyone on the board). If the number of members here gets large enough (over 100 I think) you can petition SSN to post a link as a resource, if you wish.
Good luck, Sam
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Welcome
Nov 7, 2011 19:41:02 GMT -5
Post by Damon on Nov 7, 2011 19:41:02 GMT -5
I am happy to have you here Vivian, and welcome to the board. It's great to see some familiar faces here.
Sam, thank you for your kind words and well-wishes. I do understand the SSN board falls under the realm of the SSN group and you moderate according to the rules that are imposed upon you. We shall see how this board goes, and I will be taking volunteers to help keep it moderated if it gets large enough to warrant extra attention.
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aaron
New Member
Posts: 1
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Welcome
Nov 7, 2011 22:52:10 GMT -5
Post by aaron on Nov 7, 2011 22:52:10 GMT -5
Hey Damon, It's Aaron from SSN. Glad to see more resources for us, thanks for doing this. I was getting pretty sick of psycho woman on the other board, kinda like having my ex-wife in a group supposed to help me get over my ex-wife.
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Welcome
Nov 7, 2011 23:27:02 GMT -5
Post by Damon on Nov 7, 2011 23:27:02 GMT -5
Great to see you Aaron! Of course you are very welcome here, and I know exactly what you mean. I hope that you find the board useful and I look forward to talking with you here in the near future!
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Tara
New Member
Posts: 20
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Welcome
Nov 7, 2011 23:45:38 GMT -5
Post by Tara on Nov 7, 2011 23:45:38 GMT -5
Hi Damon, It's Tara. I feel sad. I feel like I was violated in a place where it was supposed to be safe, where people were supposed to support me and have my best interests at heart....just like what happened in my marriage. I am happy you have gone through the trouble of giving us another outlet, but I'm not so sure that I trust it won't happen again, here, by the same person or others. It's no surprise I'm having trust issues. It pretty much goes across the board. The chat feature is pretty neat! Very cool. Thanks, again. Tara
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Welcome
Nov 7, 2011 23:49:24 GMT -5
Post by Damon on Nov 7, 2011 23:49:24 GMT -5
Unlike the SSN board, I have every intention of banning anyone who attacks the straight spouses in a manner similar to what we have seen there. I have the ability to ban by name or by IP address, so you should be fairly safe here. I can't stop it from happening mind you, but I can try to prevent it from happening again after the first instance. That is the job I intend to do anyway. You are safe here, and welcome to the board!
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Post by Damon on Nov 8, 2011 0:45:54 GMT -5
Sue, I hope you don't mind but I grabbed your post and created a new thread with what you posted. I did not want it to get buried in the Welcome post. I hope you don't mind!
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Sue E
New Member
Posts: 17
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Welcome
Nov 8, 2011 14:42:06 GMT -5
Post by Sue E on Nov 8, 2011 14:42:06 GMT -5
Hi Damon
Thanks for posting a new thread with my introduction.
In reply to your questions things have changed a lot since disclosure particularly over the last couple of years, we are much more distant with each other (me more than him), we argue a lot and our home feels empty. I feel like I am in Limbo. I am now at the stage where I want this all to be over with, if the children were that little bit older I would consider telling them and separating from my husband.
I do need to see a therapist and that will be the next step. I also need to confide in a friend or family member, it is so difficult though because I feel that once that happens I can't go back and I can't ignore the problem. Some times when we are getting on as a family it is easy to forget the gay thing. But there is no intimacy, cuddles or kisses so that reminds me that I am really just living with a friend at best.
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Barb
New Member
Posts: 1
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Post by Barb on Nov 9, 2011 9:30:55 GMT -5
Hello !! Fabulous chatting w/Steve and Damon last evening !! Good job Damon !!
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Welcome
Nov 9, 2011 10:10:10 GMT -5
Post by Damon on Nov 9, 2011 10:10:10 GMT -5
Thanks very much Barb, it was nice having an opportunity to chat with you guys too. I hope that you are doing well today. Take care and I look forward to seeing you around again.
Damon
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